I Came Out

So everyone now knows that I'm a transgender. I dunno about sexuality, but I seem to like guys more often than girls. But I still don't want to screw them. Huh.
There is only one answer.

BROMANCE.
FOREVER.

If I am biologically a girl but mentally somewhere in-between but more guy than girl (I'd say 70 percent male, 30 percent female, 2 percent extra alien shark-whale because I'm AWESOME) and after I have chest surgery and hormone therapy and appear to be a short guy with no nut-sack, would I be considered gay? I think this is the only way one can "change" sexual orientation.

Ugh I need to shower. Will ponder life-changing questions later.

Also. One last thing. Shall I rename myself Sam and just cut out my middle name? Or Samuel? Sam Joseph? Sammy Samsonite Gay-Pants Undick? Sir Madamface?

my brain varies

The last post was much funnier after I had been reading other people's swears for hours.
I have slept pretty much all day and things have been boring. I shall have to cull the cut flowers soon, many are getting droopy. Wrinkled. My bacon... it is too crispy.

Firefox doesn't like this website. The blinking bar indicating my place is not moving the way it should. Anyway. I think my cello phase is waning already. Next phase? Who knows. I would like to have something constant under my feet. I will be twenty four tomorrow. I am so old. Ha ha ha. Friday I will go back home because I miss the animals and Mom and having my own room.
Will I ever find something I will never tire of.

Swearing is Fun

Creative swearing/insulting expletives are my new hobby! Check check it.

Querulous brumby-sucker!
You cum-stained sonofawhore!
Kiss my fart-rippling asscheeks, you shit-kicking bastard of a putrid salami and a cheap whore!
Finger-fucking shithouse creeper!
Dickfaced assmonger!
Slut-fucking rectum-doucher!
Camel-toed cumpuddle!
You anal-ripping intestinal parasite! (aka, as in S.K.'s "Dreamcatcher")
Pus-dripping scrotal acne!
You noosenecked sack-twister!
You dirty scab-picking bacterially infested shit-stained fuckheap!
You fucked up turd-blowing anal inversion!
Fly-blown maggot magnet!
Nostril-raping gasbag!
Lick my manure-spoon, goat-porker!
Cum-drinking ass-stabber!
Eat batshit and spray shitlava from your bagelhole, dick-satchel!
Shitballing crack rockets!
Choke on hippo chode, you flagrant asshat!
Suck my cheesy plague-rod, gerbil fucker.
Throw a scaly turtle schlong up your cunthole, fuckbag.
Lick a wrinkly jizzpurse, snotbrained shitflinging sheep sodomizer.
Scatmunching couch-humper!
Crapping shit-pastries!
Tit knocking scuzz bungler!

And that, ladies and gents, is just a sampling. Ah, I love the smell of curses in the morning. Especially if they smell like bacon.

why writing why writing why writing is so hard, but it's not

Burlington. B-town. This is my home now. The dark alleyways are filled to the brim with vermin and filth. Stinking traffic rolls and screeches through the streets lined with the derelict homes and businesses of the weak, the depraved, the malodorous. Cats shit in the crippled gardens, fouling the overgrown bushes which branch over cracking sidewalks and crumbling concrete walls. Pigeons fly overhead, crows hunker in the gnarled trees. Death and rot fill the city like a black mist, hanging in the fouled air and rising with the howling wind to choke the stars from the sky. It is here, in the darkness, where I must make my stand. It is here I must fight, and here I will surely die. Burlington.

THE END

Why Working At A Nursing Home Is Like Playing Animal Crossing

Yes, strange but true, working at one of these places is similar to the popular Game Cube videogame in a number of ways.  Everyday you come in and at least one of the residents have forgotten you and you have to tell them your name over and over again. They have odd mood swings you can't follow and little quotes they tend to repeat and their emotions are seemly unrelated to anything you do but are directed at you nonetheless. Sometimes you arrive at your town and someone has moved away and you'll never see them again, and although you might feel kinda down about it or just indifferent, nothing has changed and new residents soon come in to take their places. And if you visit a different town, the residents act in the same patterns and everyone gets everthing they own from a Tom Nook clone.

Okay, maybe they're not similar in that last part.

Eep eeeep! Eek.

Yellow dirt in my soul. Much animal crossing. Monkeys on trains. Damn rock, give me money. Apple. Too many cherries. Do you want this wallpaper? You freak me out. No! Rabbit took my bells.

boogahdeeee

Hey hey hey hey, smoke weed everyday. Samanuel.
Shamalamadingdong. Uh oh, he found Family Guy. Doobie.
I want a gold tooth.



WINK.

why are some grey and why are some orange?

I finally finally finally sent in my application please PLEASE god I want this job it would be awesome iusdkjf,jdsbfjhsdb. Okay.

My eyebrows shed like crazy what is with this. The nurses are out to get me! They are jealous of my breaks. I can eat and sit down... it's basically guaranteed. Holy shit. I wrote some more haikus but I can't remember them right now and I'm getting tired I have to work tomorrow normally I don't work tomorrow but I took tomorrow for another person and I won't work Thursday so I have two days to go.

Parents watching Robin Willams go nuts on stage. Watched BEST OF Mike Myers and Will Ferrel earlier Saturday Night Live and it was really funny I was going to make eggplant parm but mom waz liek I'll cook and I said I'd help and I don't really like eggplant so we made shrimp fetticinieeeee and the water was on the noodles it was okay.

Haikus

Check check it.


I have a sweet game
It is called Mario Twins
So goddamn the same

=D

Yeah, I still haven't.

My life is extremely boring right now, and I don't feel like spazzing. I'll spaz later.

I don't know what to write for my application. I'm afraid I won't get the job. I really don't want to be stuck here much longer. I'm descending into madness.

Fart. Ha. Ha ha.

I’m about to apply for a job. I am a procrastinator of reasonable magnitude, so I started this application about a week and a half ago, at least, and still haven’t finished it. Tonight, I WILL finish it and email it in along with my resume. Wish me luck. 

Oftentimes I forget the world. Life is currently boring and tedious, with few friends and very few social interactions. My life is a ship on a doldrum sea. Hopefully once spring arrives the wind will pick up again. I’m tired of feeling this way.

THINGS WILL CHANGE. This is my mantra. Things will change. 

Scott Pilgrim!

I’ve liked you for a thousand years, a thousand years, I’ve liked for a thousand years, a thousand years. (I can’t wait until I see you I can’t wait until I see you I can’t wait until I see you)

YOU CAN’T STAND. TO SEE ME THAT WAY.

Time to walk the dog.

NEW POST NEW POST

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty helloooooooooooooooo.
I am tired and thus will have little to say here besides brahgh bdjkshgjshjgsghj.
And that's not even WORDS.

And a note to old confused people - the "old times" were not the brightly colored wonderful candylands you think they were, people. Oh yes, the good old days, when people were courteous and candy bars were five cents and kids respected their elders and certain people were not allowed in restaurants and clubs and... places... my mind is failing now. I am really tired. Work and snow will do that to you.

Things People Say That Piss Me Off
"You go girl"
"this -smacks of- something"
"whatcha readin"
"stop feeding the cat chicken"

no distractions now

not the dog! not the cat! not the chocolate! well, maybe that.

(eating, or "nomnom" if you prefer)

mm.

Ohno, there goes the cat. Walking across me repeatedly. Thanks, cat.

Madonna's dancing in the Ray of Light video makes me laugh.
"...and I feeeel, like I just got home. and I feeeeel..."

Posting is not going that great today, so I'm going to type more tomorrow. Yup.

Hello Hello

Here we are: a space to place my indomitable face. How can one's face actually BE indomitable is a mystery to me. Perhaps my face is a shield against bullets. Actually, I meant the word abominable, which means something quite different. Yay for words.

This is actually coming out a lot easier than I thought it would. Blah blah blah. I thought about many things to blog about (not talk about, must use correct terminology) but now I have forgotten. How not surprised I am.

I am very hungry.

As you can see, I am utilizing the use of (bad grammar) paragraphs to break up the flow of my words, or lack thereof, to make the text more "digestable" per se. Wait, I don't think I can use "per se" here. Damn.

I have tea.
It is now cold as we have rocks for coasters. I was going to tell you of the many definitions for coasters, but I believe the cat is on the kitchen counter again. Let me check.

Yes, yes she was. I have moved the hamburger back into the microwave for protection.
This is going well, isn't it? It reminds me of the Satanic Order of the Chattering Nuns, or whatever, from Good Omens, I book I have just finished re-reading. Ahh, good book. Now I'm back to Life of Pi, and I've decided to name any future orange tabbies of mine Richard Parker. Even if they're female.

The skin web between my middle finger and ring finger on my right hand feels odd, and though I thought it must be an oncoming mutation, in which I would become something (excuse me, someone) resembling Nightcrawler (aka Kurt Wagner), I now believe it is due to the cat scratch I obtained some days earlier. Well, damn.

I am going to stop now and feed the animals.

----END TRANSMISSION----

Day One

Let it begin.